Nemo and the Black Cauldron
By King 'Ryan' Huffman 'The Brave of Houston Street'
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, except some of the dialogue for Gimli.
Raina: Thank you for clarifying that with me, and I will try my best to rectify the fact that Dylan is actually a Prince.
Chapter Five: That's What Bilbo Baggins Hates!
"That very night, Bilbo was about to make the final preparations for the ritual concerning Babe…the night that everything changed." Frodo narrated as later that night in Bag-End, Bilbo was making the final preparations.
"Nemo, put Babe down." Bilbo instructed, though Nemo couldn't find Babe.
"But Babe's not with me, Bilbo." Nemo said honestly.
"What? Babe isn't with you?" The Hobbit asked in surprise before he noticed…pig tracks on the ceiling?
"What? Why are there pig tracks on the ceiling?" Bilbo asked before he noticed Pinkie and Pippin holding Babe up and singing a certain tune together.
Pippin and Pinkie: Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig
Does whatever a Spider-Pig does
Can he swing from a web?
No, he can't
He's a pig
Look out…he is a Spider-Pig!
"Ugh, Pinkie Pie. Pippin. Put Babe down now."
"Oh, you're no fun anymore, Bilbo." Pinkie said in disappointment as she and Pippin put Babe down.
"Where's your fun-loving spirit, Bilbo?" Pippin asked.
Bilbo shook his head in annoyance.
"Fool of a Took! Why are Frodo and I even related to that imbecile?"
Then Bilbo began lighting a candle and set it beside a basin filled with water.
"What's that for, Bilbo?" Nemo asked.
"I've never had to use poor Babe's powers, unless I had to. And now, I must." Bilbo said.
"Powers?" Nemo asked.
"This is a secret, Nemo; a secret which you, Sam and the others, are about to see, and you must never tell anyone…unless you have to." Frodo said.
"You can trust me that I won't tell anyone, Mr. Frodo." Sam promised.
"I know that I can count on you, Sam." Frodo said with a smile.
"Ah, Frodo…as trusting as ever. Well come on, Bilbo…we haven't got all night." Iago said.
"Have some patience, Iago." Bilbo said as he got out a plain old oaken walking stick, which would be the best sized staff for a Hobbit, with the name 'Bilbo' carved into it and started stirring the water as he recited the magic words.
"Oh Babe, from you I do beseech…Knowledge that lies beyond my reach…Troubled thoughts weigh on your heart…Pray you now those thoughts impart…" Bilbo said as Babe watched Bilbo stir the staff, before he dropped his snout into the water and images started to appear.
"Well, Lord bless me! Who knew Babe could do that?" Merry asked in excitement.
"Shh. Quiet, Merry. I'm trying to read the images." Bilbo whispered.
"Sorry." Merry apologized quickly and quietly.
The first image that appeared was a similar Dark Lord, astride a fierce, giant black steed named Daredevil.
(A/N: Hint, hint, Raina.)
"Ah, Ganondorf." Bilbo said as Nemo gasped in fear.
"Shh, shh. Don't interfere, Nemo." Bilbo said before the images of Twilight and Rarity appeared causing Ben and Spike to gasp.
"He's got Twilight and Rarity!" Ben said in shock.
"Why that monster, I ought to--." Spike said before Bilbo spoke.
"Shh. Spike, Ben…don't. We'll discuss that later." Bilbo whispered.
Then nine fierce black riders astride nine black Wyvern-like creatures were seen flying as Bilbo spoke.
"He's searching for something. But what?" Bilbo asked.
Then the image of a certain Cauldron caught Bilbo's attention.
"The Black Cauldron…so that's it!" Bilbo whispered.
"The Black Cauldron?" Nemo asked in confusion.
"A very powerful and awesome weapon, Nemo! Almost as powerful as the Ruling Ring of Power which Ganondorf himself covets. The Cauldron has been hidden for centuries. However, if Ganondorf should find it and unleash its power, nothing will stand against and the Resistance will be crushed, even with the armies of Narnia by their side." Bilbo said.
Then an image of Babe was seen running in fear.
"It's Babe!" Nemo said in horror.
"Yes, he knows." Bilbo said before he snapped Babe out of the trance.
Babe then shook his head as he snapped out of the trance and groaned.
"Oh what a horrible nightmare! Bilbo, must we always do this?" Babe asked in concern.
"I'm sorry, Babe…but I had no other choice and--." Bilbo said before something happened.
The doorbell rang, causing everyone and everypony to give looks of confusion.
"Huh? Ah didn't know we were havin' guests over tonight." Applejack said in confusion.
"I wonder who it could be?" Fluttershy asked.
Bilbo then walked towards the door and opened it, to reveal a Dwarf…yes, a Dwarf.
This Dwarf had a bald tattooed head, he was clad in green robes and wore a green hood, he also had long bluish black hair and a bluish black beard and an ear that looked it had been bitten off. And he was also clad in heavy Dwarfish armour and carried two axes on his back and carried a giant war-hammer in his hand.
"Dwalin, at your service." The Dwarf, now known as Dwalin said in a heavy Scottish accent and bowed his head to Bilbo, who was a bit confused.
"Uh…Bilbo Baggins at yours." Bilbo said as Dwalin entered Bag-End.
"Do we know each other?"
Then Dwalin spoke honestly and to the point.
"Which way, laddie? Is it down here?" Dwalin asked as he looked around.
"Is what down where?" Bilbo asked.
"Supper. He said that there'd be food and lots of it."
Moments later, Dwalin was given some leftovers, which was a bit of fish and vegetables.
Surprisingly, Dwalin ate the head of the fish. Bones and all.
"Very good, this. Any more?" Dwalin asked as Bilbo gave him a few rolls to eat, then the doorbell rang again.
"That'll be the door." He said.
"Oh great, who could it be now?" Bilbo asked in annoyance as he opened the door to reveal another Dwarf in red robes.
It was Balin, who was now older and his hair and beard had grown white.
"Balin...at your service."
"Yes, yes it is. Although it is sadly raining. Am I late?" Balin asked before he noticed his much taller, yet younger brother Dwalin.
"Late for what?" Bilbo asked.
"Oh! Ha ha. Evening, Brother." Balin said with a chuckle.
Dwalin also chuckled.
"By my beard...you're shorter and wider than last we met."
"Wider...not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us." Balin commented with a wink.
Then both brothers did something unexpected, they bonked each others heads.
"Excuse me, but I'm not sure that you're in the right house." Bilbo said as Dwalin and Balin started getting food and drink from the pantry, much to the Hobbit's annoyance.
"It's not that I don't like visitors. I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit, but I do like to know them before they come visiting. The thing is I don't know either of you. Not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind...I'm sorry." Bilbo said getting the Dwarves' attention.
"Apology accepted." Balin said, not getting what Peter really meant.
The doorbell rang again, and Bilbo opened it again...this time revealing two young Dwarves.
One of them had long dirty blonde hair, a dirty blonde beard and light blue eyes and he carried two wicked looking swords.
And the other had long brown hair, a stubble and dark brown eyes and carried a hornhide bow and arrows and a long sword.
"Fili..." Said the first Dwarf.
"At your service." Both Dwarves said at the same time as though they were twins.
"You must be Mr. Boggins." Kili said with a smile.
"No, no, you can't come in here! You've come to the wrong house." Bilbo said before Kili stopped the door from closing.
"What? It's been cancelled?" Kili asked in surprise.
"What? Cancelled. Nothing's been cancelled."
"Well, that's a relief."
"Careful with these. I just had them sharpened." Fili said as he tossed his swords to Bilbo who held them.
"Fili, Kili, come on. Give us a hand." Dwalin said as he got the younger Dwarves to come with him.
"Shove this in the hallway. Otherwise, we'll never get everyone in." Balin said.
"'Everyone'?! How many more are there?" Bilbo asked as the doorbell rang again.
"No, no, no, no! There's nobody home. Go away and bother somebody else. There's too many Dwarves in my dining room as it is. If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke...well I can only say that is in very poor taste." Bilbo said as he opened the door to reveal eight more Dwarves pouring into his house.
"Who brought them here?" Bilbo asked in annoyance.
"I did." Gandalf said with a smirk as he entered last.
"Gandalf." Bilbo said, somehow he knew that Gandalf was behind all this.
Then another voice was heard.
"Wait for me, everyone!"
It was another Dwarf with a long reddish brown beard, deep brown eyes, clad in brownish green robes, a great Dwarf helmet, medium light brown armor and at his side he was carrying a great double bladed axe.
When the Dwarf made it, he was panting for he was running out of breath.
Then he turned towards Bilbo and spoke.
"Gimli, son of Gloin…at yer service and yer family's."
A few moments later, the rest of the Dwarves; Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur and Bombur, along with Dwalin, Balin, Gimli, Fili and Kili were grabbing plates of food and heading into the dining room, much to Bilbo's annoyance as he noticed Bombur, who was clad in simple clothing and wearing his reddish brown beard in a queue loop, carrying three blocks of cheese.
"That's a tad excessive. Do you need a cheese knife?"
"Cheese knife?" Asked Bofur, Bombur's brother. "He eats it by the block."
Bilbo noticed Oin and Gloin carrying some chairs.
"Please put that back." Bilbo pleaded with the hard of hearing Oin.
"I cannot hear what you're saying."
Inside the dining room, Gandalf was getting ready to sit down along with Nemo and the others, until Dori came in with a cup of tea.
"Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf? Can I interest you in a cup of chamomile?" Dori asked as he poured the tea.
"Oh, no thank you, Dori. A little red wine for me, I think." Gandalf said as he went outside into the hall, hoping to count the Dwarves.
"Uh...Fili, Kili...Oin, Gloin, Gimli...Dwalin, Balin...Bifur, Bofur, Bombur...Dori, Nori..."
"No...not my prize winning tomatoes, thank you!"
"Ori!" Gandalf said as Ori, the youngest, let go of the tomatoes.
Then Bifur, the Dwarf with the ax in his head, spoke Khuzdul to Gandalf as he grunted and made gestures with his arms.
"Yes, you're quite right, Bifur. We seem to be one Dwarf short."
"He is late, is all. He traveled North, to a meeting of our kin. He will come." Dwalin promised Gandalf.
"Mr. Gandalf. A little glass of red wine as requested." Dori said as he gave Gandalf a small glass of wine.
"It's got a fruity bouquet."
Then Dori and Gandalf cheered as both drank the wine.
The party went on, much to the annoyance of Bilbo who could barely take anymore.
"Bombur's on his second leg of lamb already." Gloin said in amusement.
The Dwarves, ponies and everyone else began eating to their heart's content…well, except maybe for Bilbo.
"No chance. Not from that distance!" Dwalin said before Bofur challenged him.
"Wanna bet? Bombur, catch!" Bofur said as he tossed a bit of bread or cheese to his brother, who caught it with his mouth, causing the Dwarves to cheer for Bombur.
"That was a good catch, Bombur." Rainbow said in amazement.
"Thank you, Rainbow Dash." Bombur said with his mouth full.
"Who wants an ale?" Fili said as he got some ale for the other Dwarves.
"Over here, Brother!" Kili said to Fili, and Dwalin poured some ale into Oin's ear trumpet.
"Here ye go, Oin!" Dwalin said mischievously.
Then Oin blew into his trumpet blowing out the ale.
"Ha ha ha. He got ye there, Uncle!" Gimli said to Oin, who was his uncle.
"Ale on the count of three." Bofur said as the Dwarves and, surprisingly, Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie and Ben cheered as they began to drink.
"Up!" Kili said as each Dwarf, and the four ponies, began to drink from their mugs.
And then there was a great belching contest, with surprisingly Ori being the victor.
"I knew you had it in you, Ori!" Bofur cheered.
Bilbo was starting to lose his cool, especially since Nori was about to wash his mug with a doily.
"Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dish cloth."
"But it's full of holes." Bofur pointed out.
"It's supposed to look like that. It's crochet."
"And a wonderful game it is, too, if you got the balls for it." Bofur joked, causing Bilbo to really start losing his temper.
"Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!"
"My dear Bilbo, what on Earth is the matter?" Gandalf asked in concern.
"What's the matter? I'm surrounded by Dwarves. What are they doing here?"
"Well, they're quite a merry gathering once Nemo, Frodo and their friends get used to them."
"I don't want Nemo or Frodo or any of their friends to get used to them. Look at the state of my kitchen. There's mud trod into the carpet. They've pillaged the pantry. I'm not going to tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" Bilbo shouted.
Ori then came along.
"Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" Ori asked shyly.
"Here you go, Ori. Give it to me." Fili suggested as he threw Ori's plate to Kili who threw it to Bifur.
Bilbo couldn't believe that the Dwarves were playing with his plates and utensils like toys, when in actuality they were being thrown towards the dishwasher.
"Can you not do that? You'll blunt them!" Bilbo said as the Dwarves started playing with the knives.
"Oooh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." Bofur said with a smirk.
Then a song was sung, started by Kili and Fili.
Kili: Blunt the knives
Bend the forks!
Fili: Smash the bottles
And burn the corks!
Oin, Gimli and the Dwarves: Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Nemo, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Iago, Spike and the ponies joined in a bit on the dancing part.
Dwarves: Cut the cloth, tread on the fat!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Poor the milk on the pantry floor!
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks on a boiling bowl!
Pound them up on a thumping pole!
When you're finished, if they are whole!
Send them down the hall to roll!
While they sang, the Dwarves began throwing dishes towards Bifur and Ori.
Bofur played the clarinet, Dori used the table as a drum and Oin...used a teapot as a musical instrument.
When the song was nearing its end the Dwarves sang the last part together.
Dwarves: That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Soon they laughed as Bilbo realized that none of his dishes and such had been cracked or broken.
It seemed everything would be all right.
But soon the door was pounded again...three times, causing everyone, even the Dwarves to turn their heads to the door.
Gandalf smirked as he spoke.
"He is here..."
Whoever 'he' was, this last party member would soon change Nemo and Frodo's lives forever. However, only fate would truly tell for certain, eh?
Author's notes: Well, now we know Babe's secret and we got an unexpected party from thirteen Dwarves and Gandalf. In the next chapter, Thorin shows up and enlists Nemo and his friends, along with Babe and Iago, in their quest to not only retake Erebor…but also to…get the Arkenstone, which in turn will also be part of the story, and Ganondorf swears to find the Black Cauldron, and also to get his foul hands on Ben's Triforce Cutie Mark, as well as wipe out the Resistance.
Anyway, here's what you need to know.
Check out the references to The Simpsons Movie, Sleepy Hollow, the Tim Burton version, and The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.
And I know that Gimli never joined in the adventure to reclaim Erebor, but this is my story…so…I can make a few minor to major changes if I like, can't I?
Until the next chapter, please read, review and suggest.
See ya later, alligators.